CBT Step 2

Thursday 9 June
Environmental Changes and Today's Events: K stayed overnight and we went to B&N to pick up my new Nook. I had a LOT of fun futzing with it at the store. Had quite a lot of carbs and desserts to eat at the cafe while we were there. I also had a smoothie with protein in it. The mango orange banana smoothie isn't nearly as good as the strawberry banana one.
Physical and Physiological: My period still hasn't started, though I am cramping on and off, and I am spotting now. My female areas are very uncomfortable, itchy and painful. I wish it would start already.
Moods: Mostly happy, some sheepish. Had a panic attack at around midnight.
Behavior: Cleaned up the house in preparation for R to come home; got my Nook for school; got gas for K to drive back, and cash for her toll; played with my Nook for like 5 hours; ate left over pizza and had cinnamon wheel for dessert.  Did walk 3.0 miles around Lake Chabot with C and K after dinner and had a really good time doing it.
Thought of my dad during my panic attack. I don't know what triggered it- only that it started when C got aroused while we were cuddling.
Depressive Thoughts: I don't feel like I am fulfilling my sexual part in my relationship with C, and longer I am not, the more I fear starting. Was it irresponsible of me to have bought my Nook? Should I have been more productive, rather than spending so much time playing at B&N?

CBT Step 1

Wednesday 8 June
Environmental changes and today's events: I had a long round trip today for the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy class. I really didn't mind the trip to Sac. The class was hard, because I have been to the first day of the CBT previously, and I was uncomfortable with some of the people in the group. I am less talkative in groups than I used to be; I really don't want to talk about what's going on with me in what is basically a class. K and I hung out with R for a few hours after my class, and then she drove me back to SL. We went for Papa Murphy's for dinner and K spent the night in SL.
Physical and Physiological: I had a tension headache during the class, which I didn't treat because I pretty much knew what had caused it. I had a migraine later, and took a fioricet to deal with it, but it hadn't reduced it by the time I went to bed. I ate a little more cinnamon wheel than I think I needed- I was really stuffed when I was finished. My period is a month late, and I have PMD and a severe UTI. I am on strong antibiotics and other meds. Last G/M Sz was 6/3. 
Moods: I think I have been overly sensitive, overly empathic? Maybe I am PMSing.
Behaviors: I got some productive things done: I cleaned up C's room, the dishes and did some laundry. I was up early enough to be ready to go when R got to SL to pick me up. I had planned to work out before he got there, though, and didn't. I DID however, pay him back the $40 he spent on gas for my car, $10 for K's Pride Parade entrance (which I promised her and forgotten to give her) and $10 for lunch. 
Depressing Thoughts: Mostly thinking a lot about my dad, and my family and the cancer. I should have worked out too.

Step 1

The first step is always the hardest. I always wait. I will have a better step tomorrow. I'll have better balance, the sun will be in better position, my finale will look better if I can remember the beginning step from this other angle... it's ridiculous really. I never get anywhere if I don't take this step.

So...

Here...

Goes...